it's subjective really

By Abigail Cleveland

all I got to say is middle of nowhere, middle of something, but mostly middle of nowhere. home

is a bowl full of trees and one maybe two fields of alfalfa, pronounced alfa-alfa just like my old

man says. home is three maybe four miles off the dusty plains of Bloomington, population one

twenty-five. school strays a bit further, like a cat that’s found better food elsewhere. ten miles to

Franklin, to friends, population 999. in between ten miles, three maybe four miles, and one

maybe two fields of alfa-alfa is the annual pancake feed, garage and yard sales, the newborn

horse, a multitude of cows, and cars that drive too fast and cars that drive too slow. home is an

overflowing bowl trying to calm my nerves and it succeeds. 

first the tears-

no actually

my mom’s presence, I thought

I was in trouble.

the sunlight of her hand making

my hand glow when she grabs it. she said,

“I’m leaving your dad.”

then, nothing

just the feeling like two people 

standing on a white sand beach

inside a static, stalled television

talking about the weather.

the channel changed and here are the tears

and they were like

knives, rusting divots down my cheeks. 

my heart had been split into two and her hug

sent me spiraling. the words I 

had been expecting to hear 

for years finally found

their impact on my life.

all I got to say is nothing, maybe something, but mostly nothing at all. home has disappeared, 

no longer that bowl off the dusty plains of Bloomington, but rather in my bookshelf where I hide,

but rather in my computer where I dissolve, but rather in my bed where I die sometimes, 

but rather in my class where I retain nothing, but rather in my clothes where I drown, 

but rather nowhere at all where I am renowned.

Abigail (Abby) Cleveland is in her second year at UNL majoring in English with minors in art and classics. She has a dog at home who loves her very much and misses her like crazy. Abby hopes to continue in the work of literature at a publishing house as a copyeditor.